Confusion as a Doorway
Published May 10, 2022
By Suzan Myhre, MSSW, LPC, LCSW
Do you ever wonder why you do not know what you need?
Like you have been running and doing and moving at a pretty good pace, but you notice you haven’t gone to the bathroom for 7 hours?
There is a universal experience for women that involves ignoring our bodies.My earliest memory of my body was seeing my eyes in the mirror. They were slitty. That’s because I am part Asian. Nobody else in my entire school had slitty eyes. Just me, and I remember not liking them very much. At 6 or 7 years old I was already critiquing my body. The playground didn’t help. Some kids called me names for being Asian. That became a point of disconnect. I didn’t like a part of myself. I started a habit of not liking myself. That disconnect caused more tension in my body. That tension fed more dislike of myself. What follows is, without accepting myself as I was– not as I wanted to be, I (unknowingly) caused more tension and more disconnect which led to confusion. Emotional confusion. How do I really feel and what do I really need? This was a great beginning question, one I ask my beautiful clients regularly.
I think most women learn to shut off their awareness of their bodies. We learn not to notice when our body says “I’m hungry” or “I have to go potty”or “I’m tired to the point of exhaustion”. We disconnect from our body’s signals and we inevitably end up disconnecting from the system that helps us “feel” ourselves in general. The name for this system is the “interoception system”. This system has special nerve receptors all over our bodies including our internal organs, bones, muscles and skin. These receptors send messages to our brain which uses the information to help us identify how we feel.The interoception system helps our bodies stay in a state of safety and optimal balance.
To top it all off, this is the very system that is responsible for helping us feel our emotions. Our emotions are tied to our bodies. They act in concert with each other. Our bodies tense up when we feel threatened (in my example, I would tense up because I was verbally judging my appearance—criticizing myself). That tension in my face, throat or shoulders would be sending and receiving messages from my brain about what happens next. For me, I would “launch into flight-mode”—get busy and ignore feeling tension in my body, because after all, I was stuck with these eyes. Nothing but confusion followed—disconnect causes confusion. Confusion caused me to feel unsafe and anxious.
Jesus reminds us that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit.(1 Cor 3:16) Not something to be criticized, but to be cared for. He cares for every part of us. And He wants us to follow suit and love every part of ourselves– our eyes, our bellies (yes even my jelly belly), our legs, thighs and butts. Jesus wants to claim all of who we are as “beautifully and wonderfully made” as scripture says. When I replace the disconnect moment with CONNECT—to how my body feels, to where my body feels it, without judgement, I begin to move in the direction of loving kindness toward myself. I connect in this way because I feel the love of Jesus in those moments. I see his gentle gaze and His compassion when I feel “less than” others. Connection helps all of me work together in harmony—not work against myself!
Imagine what life would be like if we make friends with our bodies ladies! If we were kind and gentle toward our parts. How lovely to show ourselves grace and not be stuck in the confusion of fight, flight or shut down. How honoring to Jesus this would be. Let’s reclaim ourselves. “I (the Lord) will return to you the years the locusts have eaten. . .”(Joel 2:25) Our bodies are God created. God loves and cherishes us. The selves He made us, with all of our flaws and imperfections. Let’s give ourselves a “yes, I love my body, thank you Jesus”. “Yes, these Asian eyes are mine, and I love them.” Together we will watch the Lord transform and heal us.
Dear Lord, help me love my body as it is, not as it should be. Help me to be gentle and kind to my body that houses your Spirit. In Jesus name. Amen.
