God’s Timing
Published May 17, 2022
By Amanda Popp
It had been “a week”. “A week” after what had felt like “a year”, actually “a few years”. You know those, right? I know that we are not at all alone in the crazy that has been the last few years.
This particular week involved my husband having his very first seizure. A seizure that caused him to fall off a ladder, get a concussion and break his back. Of course, this happened at the least perfect time…the Tuesday of dance recital week!
I prayed to cry all week. I was in the shock of it all and in my “mode”. The mode of just doing what we needed to do next. Praise God my husband was okay. The back break was in the “best” spot to break-no surgery needed and it should heal on it’s own. The concussion left him feeling dizzy, but not much else. The pain from the break was manageable with over the counter meds. This meant, I was able to participate in the recital like I had planned.
Friday night I got to be a dance mom in the audience. I sat smiling. Full of so much thankfulness. For me being able to be there. For my children. For the studio. For the amazing friends the studio has given us. For the people that were there watching. For it all.
I didn’t cry, though. I figured the recital would “do it” for me. I kept smiling and
praying to just have the next song be the one to make me cry. None of them did.
Each song and routine just filled my heart with thankfulness and love for the
studio.
Saturday morning I got to be backstage with Evan. I get to work with Evan, it’s not really work at all. I love hanging out with Evan. Evan is a young man with Autism and a personality that fills you with so much happiness by being around him.
I assumed that no tears would be shed Saturday, either. Then…then I found out that Evan was going to be singing. He was going to be singing a song that had broken me before.
Not too many years ago, I found myself at a MercyMe concert. Bart (the lead singer) introduced the song Even If. I don’t really even remember the story he introduced the song with, but the lyrics…oh the lyrics. They are words I remember. I stood with tears streaming down my cheeks and my hands raised to heaven as I sang along
…even if you don’t…my hope is you alone…
I listened as Evan practiced on his IPad with MercyMe. I quietly sang along with him. Letting the Lord speak to my heart in a way that only He can.
The song finished and the hustle and bustle of backstage at a dance recital picked up around us and I went into “work” mode.
Not too long into the recital it was time for Evan to do his thing. I remember
looking a friend as we walked out of the room and saying “Let’s see if this does
it!” (she knew I had been praying to cry)
Evan got himself situated on stage as his guitar accompanist did the same. The guitar started and I felt my heart start to crack. I smiled a little. Evan started singing and I whispered the lyrics as my heart belted them out. The crack of my heart growing bigger and bigger. I felt the tears start from the depths of my heart before they slowly welled in my eyes. The tears silently rolled down my cheeks and I looked at my sweet friend standing near me. (A friend that had been praying for me to cry all week)
Tears were in her eyes as she opened her arms and I all but fell into her. We cried together. We clung to each other, tears falling and the lyrics swarming around us. God blessing us both in our friendship. God using our different circumstances to bring us together in a very same way.
Trusting and knowing that even if…it IS well with our soul. That our God IS a good God who loves us and has beautiful things for us. God knew that when she had texted me earlier in the week about praying that I would cry that He would allow this moment to happen. That He would allow this moment to happen for us to be together. God knew that He would use Evan’s singing of Even If to speak to both of us.
God’s timing is absolutely perfect. We might not always understand it, but we can absolutely always trust it.
When I walked back into the backstage room I looked at the friend I talked to as we walked out before with red, puffy eyes and smiled saying, “Well, THAT worked!” She smiled back at me and I went to sit by Evan.
I told him what an excellent job he had done and he nodded his “Evan nod” with a very proud exclamation of “THANK YOU!” I asked him if we could take a picture. I wanted this to not only be a memory in my heart, but also in a physical photo.
Later that night, completely exhausted after a crazy week, I scrolled through Facebook and saw a picture Evan’s momma had posted of his performance. She was standing on the opposite side of the stage from my friend and I. Her picture made me stop my scroll. Her picture caught not only Evan and his guitar accompanist…but also two others standing backstage. She caught my sweet friend and I standing with our arms around each other’s backs and you can’t quite see them…but tears streaming down our cheeks.
God had provided another physical photo of a heart memory that will always remind me of the promises he has for me…
…I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone…
