Comparison is the Thief of Joy
Published Aug 15, 2023
By Tiffany Weigand
Comparison is the Thief of Joy….4 Steps To Combat Your Inner Thief
Have you heard that quote or a variation of it before? President Theodore Roosevelt coined that phrase years ago and I heard it at some point in my life. It’s stuck with me. But, to be completely honest, I’m really good at comparison (and change is hard). I know it steals my joy, but it’s so easy. I’ve perfected it since childhood. I have memories of people close to me judging themselves against other, comparing themselves to unrealistic expectations. I absorbed these habits from my surroundings.
I grew up poor, chubby, in a one-parent house. I had anger issues. I wasn’t the smartest, prettiest, or most popular. You get the picture. On top of that, I hated traditional girl toys. I hated barbies. Why was it fun to dress up a doll? I didn’t dream of having children. In fact, children scared me. I still remember babysitting my niece, trying to change her diaper, and ending up with poop all over the place. I haven’t changed a diaper since.
I knew I was different. But what was harder was my family telling me I’d grow out of all these things. What I heard them say was ‘yeah, there’s a lot wrong with you now, but we have faith that you’ll grow out of it.’
I have a lot of negative thoughts playing in my head daily. I have good days and bad days. I try reminding myself that comparison is the thief of joy, and other inspirational quotes. Sometimes it helps me shift my perspective and sometimes it doesn’t.
I spent so long wondering what was wrong with me and why I was so unique. In my 30’s I was introduced to CliftonStrengths (formerly StrengthsFinder) and the results made me finally appreciate who I was, who God created me to be. It doesn’t magically make every day sunshine and rainbows (positivity isn’t one of my top strengths), but it helps me to reflect on my circumstances and make more positive choices, whether they are thoughts, words or actions.
I’ve created a process that has helped me and may be a guide to help you navigate whatever is going on in your life today. Ideally, it starts by completing the CliftonStrengths assessment to understand YOUR unique God-given talents. However, if you haven’t or can’t complete it, you can still ask yourself these questions and use your own vocabulary.
The process is called “How to be the BEST Version of Myself.” Just as you throw a pebble into water and watch the ripples replicate and spread, for you to see real results in your life, you need to look inward and make changes with yourself and your perspective before you can expect to see a shift in your life.
If you complete the assessment, start with your top 5 strengths. You could continue the exercise with your top 8-10. Again, if you don’t know your strengths with the assessment, try to answer these questions with your own understanding of your strengths and how you define it.
- BENEFIT: What is the benefit or value that I bring to my life, family, or any situation that comes to mind?
- ENVIRONMENT: What type of environment do I thrive in? Do you need to be alone, or around a large group? Do you get energized when you can follow a routine, when there is peace and harmony, or when everything seems chaotic and you can provide solutions?
- STRUGGLE: Why might you be struggling right now? Are you surrounded by people that don’t see your actions or ideas as strengths? Does it seem like your voice is silenced or ignored? Are you overwhelmed and unable to focus time on your passions?
- TALK: Who needs to hear and understand your concerns or frustrations? Do you need to talk to yourself? Or, do you need to take it to God?
If you’re like me and need to be hit on the head with a hammer (figuratively, of course), or need more specific examples to help you apply this to yourself, let me share a little of my current struggles.
2023 has been filled with storms for me. I’m still in the middle of some of them. Maybe you’re transitioning to being a new parent or spouse, maybe you changed jobs or recently moved. If you’ve experienced a big change, this example might resonate with you.
My husband and I recently moved from a house with a lot of garage and yard space into a condo. It has been over a month and I still feel unorganized and disheveled. That’s life, right? Well, if you have the strength of discipline, where you thrive on order, structure, and routine, it’s rough. I know that the benefit of my strength is that I can bring order and routine. However, I’m still trying to adjust to my environment and I simply feel off. Things are still missing. There simply isn’t enough space in our new kitchen, so I’m always searching for what I need. I’m struggling because I haven’t been able to reestablish my routine and I feel de-energized and de-motivated when I’m not seeing progress towards that stability. Who do I need to talk to about this? Honestly, I don’t have to talk to my husband about this because he knows how I feel. I need to talk more kindly to myself and give myself time. More importantly, I need to talk to God and ask him for patience. I wasn’t born with much of it. In fact, could you pray to bring me patience too?
This process doesn’t fix your problems over night. But it allows you to reflect, apply what is helpful, and ask God to give you guidance on your journey.
I pray God continues to help you find the joy in who you are, who God uniquely created you to be.
