The Unexpected Journey Continues
Published May 23, 2023
By Christina Walther Cloquet, MN
I cannot believe that on April 25 it will be 2 ½ years since I began this journey; this journey without my husband. This is difficult! Yes, I am having a hard time. Tears still flow easily at times. I miss Jeff so much! To be honest, there are days that I don’t want to do this anymore, I don’t want to be on this specific path of this journey. But God has a plan for me and He is keeping me going. I know He will carry me through. I cling so greatly to the words and promises of God that bring me comfort. I am thankful for quiet time and devotions, walks outside, watching all of God’s creatures, and uplifting and meaningful songs. I do not always have good days and some days I still struggle to find rest and a good night’s sleep. Thankfully, I do experience days where I can find moments of peace. I continue to have more days filled with happiness and I can laugh and enjoy life once again. I hold onto those moments, and I am grateful for each one of them. I cherish my grown children more than ever. I hold tightly to the hugs and moments of togetherness with them and all family and friends. I thank the Lord for each new day. God certainly continues to shine His love and peace down on me! That is something I can hang onto! That is what keeps me going on this new journey! During some moments of unrest, I find that writing is very beneficial. It’s a way to let my feelings and thoughts flow without fear of judgment. I wrote this the other day when I was having a difficult time. I found the courage to share it with my children, and I would like to share it with you.
My Life Has Changed.
My spirit is not the same.
Where is my zest for life?.
I struggle to give of myself
even for those I love.
I continue on but my energy is low.
I feel tired and distant.
I watch life carry on around me
as a bystander from afar.
I feel numbness, and happiness and sorrow at once.
What do I do with my tears?.
I will never be the same.
It’s strange and new and difficult.
I am doing my best to continue on.
All is not well, but I want it to be.
I want to help my children
but what do they need?
I Wait…and I cry…and I pray.
Even so, I can feel God is at work
through everything.
God intervenes
and His love is felt.
I will continue loving my children
and supporting my friends
with what I have to give them.
May it be enough.
My tears will still flow
but my heart will always smile
when I think of my Jeff,
my love, my all.
I will try to embrace the new
and live with joy.
Though I may not be ready for this,
my life has changed.
I can feel God is at work
through everything.
God is faithful
and He is enough.
If you are grieving any kind of loss, please know that you are in my prayers. Know that wherever your journey is taking you right now, God is with you. I pray that you will feel moments, and even days filled with His peace and love. I wait longingly for the day when “There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” (Revelation 21:3-4). This day will come, my friends. Hold on to God’s promises! God is our shelter. He is our light in the darkness of our journey. He finds us wherever we are and, with His love and grace, He rescues us.
